Even in the Middle of Grief
September 2, 2023
Options. It’s something that most of us love to have. It makes us feel that we have control of the situation, a voice in the decision, and a stake in the outcome. I remember trying to give my children a lot of choices to help them become confident decision-makers. Would you rather have grilled cheese or pizza? Go to the library or park? Which movie should we watch? As they grew, they learned how to weigh the pros and cons of more important issues and determine the best course of action. They learned to make decisions.
Nathan had pretty defined opinions about certain things when he was young, and liked to decide things, such as what to wear. His favorite attire as a seven-year-old was cowboy boots, knee socks, shorts pulled up high over the waistline, a T-shirt, and either a cowboy hat or coonskin cap. When I’m out shopping and see a child dressed in a unique sort of way, I smile thinking about Nathan. Seeing mismatched socks or clashing colors makes me glad that the child’s mother is giving him the autonomy to make decisions. Of course, there are times that we need to intervene when the occasion demands a better outfit.
“Outfit.” Apparently that’s not really a kosher word to use when describing young men’s clothing, or at least that’s what Nathan said. Occasionally, when he was in college, he’d ask me or Megan for an opinion on something that he planned to wear. We called them “outfits” and were corrected every time we used the term — sometimes saying it just to hear him enlighten us again on why we shouldn’t call it that. The explanation was often accompanied by an eye roll and chuckle.
While walking through grief, we have many choices that have to be made. Starting with the moment our loved ones leave us, there are difficult decisions to make. Some of them have to do with those we lost — burial, headstone, memorial service, settling their accounts, what to do with their belongings, etc. The list goes on and one.
But there are many more decisions that we, the bereaved, have to make that concern ourselves, and we have to continue to make those decisions until we are reunited in Heaven. How am I going to live without my child (or other loved one)? When and how do I return to work, church, and other activities I was previously engaged in? How do I learn to “walk” again? — to get up each morning and face a new day.
No matter how many years it’s been since you said goodbye, there are still choices to be made when it comes to living in this world. I’ve reminded myself so many times that when I arrive in Heaven, I don’t want Jesus to say, “Laura, after Nathan died, you sat in the corner for the next thirty years. I had things I wanted you to do.” No, I want to get up every day and live in a way that brings glory to Him — to fulfill what He wants me to do each day. I do need to add a little disclaimer here for those who are reading and are early in grief. At the beginning, all I could see was grief; and that is normal. But as you travel a bit further down this road, you will be met with the choice of “how” you intend to live, until your days here are done. As I said, those choices will continue to confront us until we arrive in Heaven.
For some reason, this morning has been a hard one. Even after seven and a half years, there are times that emotions run high. I’m not grieving for Nathan, because he is where we all want to be — with Jesus. But earthly life is hard and full of suffering, and when those times come, I miss Nathan even more.
As I reflected this morning on the hard things happening all around, I began to grieve more than usual. I thought to myself. Who can I call? There are many people who would answer my call, but I knew that wasn’t what I needed. The words of Peter popped into my head, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” Then I thought of Jesus' words, “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”
That’s who I need to call!
Are you struggling this morning with a situation in your life? Have you been betrayed by someone, are facing a seemingly impossible situation, or have said goodbye to someone dear to you?
Go to Jesus. It’s not a trite cliche’, but an ultimate truth. He is the only one who can truly bring comfort to our broken hearts.
It is true that God created us to have families who love each other, to have friends who are loyal and present in times of difficulty, and to have community with others who will leap to our sides when we need them. There is no doubt that we are commanded to love each other, care for each other, and challenge each other to become more like Christ.
But ultimately, people are humans and bring human comfort. Only Jesus can bring the “peace that surpasses understanding” — even in the middle of grief.
—
John 6:66-68 “From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him. “You do not want to leave too, do you?” Jesus asked the Twelve. Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God.”
Matthew 11: 28-30 “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
