I Miss You!
August 14, 2021 — Laura House
I missed you today. Not that I don’t miss you every day, because I do. But today, it was especially strong.
As we stepped into the pool today, our faces must’ve had a look of surprise at the chilly water. A sweet little boy informed us that the water in the lazy river was much warmer if we’d care to try that one instead. Nathan was like that little guy— sweet to those around him. He loved helping people.
Seeing a young man show kindness to a stranger today also made me think of Nathan. A memory of him walking into the kitchen and trying to contain his smile flooded my mind. “What are you grinning about?” Sheepishly, but with obvious delight, he explained that “an old lady had a flat tire in the parking lot next door and I got to change it for her.” Really?! That’s why you’re smiling? The joy he felt from helping her was evident.
Visiting dear friends last night in a home that Nathan had frequented brought back more memories. A frenzied game of Dutch Blitz at the kitchen table, fireworks in the backyard, delicious food, lasting friendships, and laughter— always lots of laughter.
When I stopped at Kroger last week to buy carrots for juicing, I thought of him. Nathan had researched the health benefits of juicing and after getting educated on the different types of machines, he bought the one he deemed best. I was his “juicing buddy” so the process would be speedy, and we’d stand side-by-side, me rinsing and scrubbing, and him putting them through the juicer. For us, it was a race to see how quickly we could get enough of the sweet and healthy concoction of carrots, apples, and kale - but light on the kale. Although his juicer is still on my counter, it’s not used as often as it should be.
This afternoon I stumbled upon a newly published self-help book on Amazon written for those who are struggling with depression and suicidal ideation. Looking through the table of contents, I saw that it was excellent, and I thought of how Nathan would have eagerly worked through it, if it existed back then and he had known about it. As I searched for more self-help books like this and looked at the copyright dates, they were all after he went to Heaven. The “if onlys” started in my mind which led to “should haves” and “whys”, but then I was reminded of how the Lord had been close to us over the past five years, and how I knew I could trust Him with the unanswered questions that remained.
For just a few moments, the horror of the pain Nathan endured swept over me. I stopped myself and remembered the truth that the Lord loves Nathan even more than I do! Knowing how much I love my three children, and then realizing that their Creator loves them far beyond what I ever could, astounds me. Then recognizing that He loves me (and you) that same way, leaves me speechless.
Through those painful years, the Lord was close to Nathan and now the pain and suffering are gone. He is completely healed.
Reminders and memories of the precious years with Nathan are all around me, and my gratitude for them is boundless. If you are new to this journey of loss, then the memories may consistently bring sorrowful tears, but I promise you, that as you trust Jesus, those memories will one day become a solace and a gift.
If you are struggling today with the loss of someone dear to you, I hope you’ll find a way to truly trust Jesus. He loves you and wants to comfort you. Even in the darkest moments of your life, He will never leave you or stop holding you. Here are just a few of the many promises that offer strength to navigate earthly life, while you wait for the abundant life that is yet to come. I look forward with ardent anticipation to the day when the “missing” will be over, and we’ll be reunited with those we love.
Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
Psalm 23:4 “Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”
Psalm 119:76 “May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant.”
John 14:26-27 “But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”
Romans 8:37-39 “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
