My Comfort Is Dependent On My Cooperation
January 13, 2024 — Lisa Thacker
When my kids were little, part of my job as their mom was to comfort them when they were hurting. Sometimes this was after a physical injury such as a bike accident or a sports injury on the basketball court or football field. Other times, one of them needed emotional support resulting from a disagreement with a friend or some other disappointing loss. Because they were two unique human beings with distinct personalities, the approach I took to ease their pain was also poles apart.
I’m reluctant to admit that I’ve found myself resistant to some of the words I‘ve read or heard from other well-meaning people also walking through grief, as I search for comfort. What was helpful for them often leaves me empty, yet full of guilt. Why do I push away their thoughts? They’re just trying to help me. Am I self-selecting only what I want to believe? Is my faith weak, leaving me in doubt of God’s promises? Am I just a difficult, bitter person who is always on the defense now that I’ve lost my child? Why do these words make me feel worse?
One day, God completely put my mind at ease, removing the guilt that had taken root.
Lisa, you are a unique individual. You walked into your grief with certain life experiences, relationships, perspectives, personality traits, past hurts and wounds, paradigms, and views of yourself, the world, and Me. If I try to comfort you exactly the same as every other grieving parent, you will be resistant to trusting Me. Instead, I have a carefully crafted plan just for you. Remember, I created you. I know everything about you–even more than you know about yourself. If you allow me to, I will tend to every last need in your heart. I will bring promises and truths to you when your heart is ready. But until then, I will extend you the necessary grace to bridge the gaps. I know what you need and when. Will you trust Me?
It made so much sense. God comforts each of us even more perfectly and intimately than we ever could imagine doing for our own children. His grace and truth work in tandem. The Book of John points out they are inseparable. And, as a result, we receive God’s comfort tailored specifically to each of our needs.
Here are some insights I have been most resistant to.
Searching for answers about the details of Heaven: Yes, we know Heaven is a perfect place where our tears will be wiped away and our sorrows made untrue. But, there’s also a great deal left to interpret about this promised land. When finding satisfying answers becomes my sole focus, my soul longs to be there rather than here. My assurance of Heaven reminds me this world is not the end, but for me, its glory must be considered in small glimpses rather than lengthy gazes.
Dalton’s purpose on earth was fulfilled. From my standpoint, I refuse to ever let Dalton’s life stop having meaning, value, or purpose. Dalton is still making a difference from Heaven. God wasn’t done with Dalton because He continues to use his precious and way-too-short life in ways I could have never imagined.
God will use my suffering for my good. While I know with every ounce of my soul that I serve an infinitely good and loving God, there is no way He expects me to see my tragedy as working for my good. Yet, at the same time, I also trust that God didn’t allow this Dark to enter my world without meaning. I will never know the whys behind what took place. But, what I do know is that my Heavenly Father is repurposing this heartache in order to produce something through me for a cause far greater than myself. A cause called His Kingdom. A beautiful example of the redemptive power of Jesus Christ.
Our time on earth is short. Since I’m forty-nine, it’s possible that I could live for thirty to forty more years. That feels like an eternity when enduring separation from one of the most precious people I desperately love. So instead, I focus on how God will give me purpose and meaning through my loss and tragedy to help me wait well until my time on earth is over.
Unlike me, some of these mindsets may ease your heartache. I am very thankful for that. Fortunately, God’s grace will bridge the gaps in my heart until He is ready to use another anchor of Truth to piece me back together.
Just as schools establish an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) for students with diverse learning needs, God similarly constructs an ICP (Individualized Comfort Plan) for His children.
These secure anchors were written in my ICP by my loving Father who knows me full well.
God loves me beyond measure and provides every need I have.
God sustains me in every situation that feels impossible.
Just today: God will give me the grace I need to get through today. Tomorrow, He will supply the needed grace for its struggles. Focusing on just today greatly reduces my anxiety and overwhelm. Some days these two words play on repeat all day long while other days, they crop up only once or twice.
God told me no. Acknowledging the sovereignty of God helps me surrender to the circumstances God has allowed in my life. I will most likely never have the answers to why, but I can trust that He will use my heartache for His Heavenly purposes. He told me “no” to a life with Dalton for now. But a resounding “yes” to a life with Dalton for eternity one day.
This world is NOT the end. If all we are afforded in our earthly life is a broken world full of trials and tragedies, then what reason would any of us have for living? This difficult, tear-stained life full of adversity and hardship isn’t all I get.As my dear friend Joy always reminded others, “The best is yet to come.” Someday, I will meet Jesus when, hand in hand, He and Dalton greet me “in paradise.”
With each nugget of truth I gather along the way, God draws me in closer … and closer … and closer.
As my newfound reality sets in, my guilt divinely melts.
But here’s the kicker. If Carly and Dalton never came to me when they were hurting, they wouldn’t have been able to receive my comfort. This is equally true with us and God. We can’t benefit from our ICP unless we are a cooperating partner with our Heavenly Father. We make the choice to turn to Him in the midst of pain by trusting Him even when life makes absolutely no sense.
So often in life figuring out the why is as far as we get. And the how gets ignored. Maybe you’ve been given advice to “turn to God” before and always wondered exactly what that looks like. Here’s how I receive God’s comfort in my life:
taking my hard questions to God through lament rather than giving Him the silent treatment (look for a more detailed, follow-up post on lament soon)
investigating God’s character and who He is
mining the Bible for truth and promises
studying a major theme of the Bible: Suffering is inevitable when living in a broken world
praying from promises that have already been declared rather than praying for promises I want God to make to me
joining with other believers to learn what God is doing in their lives and borrowing what sinks into my soul
When I lean on my Strong Tower, I’m in awe of the precision He uses to bind up my wounds. He knit me together. He formed my inmost being. He saw my unformed body. He knows me inside and out.
And all of these point to one, key principle.
I can’t live without him (Dalton), unless I’m living with Him (my Comforter).
