Mom Fails
August 22, 2020— Laura House
When talking to mothers of young children, I facetiously joke that I’ve often had to give myself the “mother of the year” award. There were many times I failed.
Just last week, my grown daughter joked about a memory of our “Fruit of the Spirit tree.” When the kids were young, it seemed like a great way to teach them the character qualities that we wanted to instill. My teen-aged niece had been visiting so I asked her to use her artistic abilities to create a life-like tree from construction paper, which I taped to the kitchen wall. Then, she made three paper baskets and added them to the tree. In the trunk of the tree, an envelope held shapes of fruits, each labeled with a Fruit of the Spirit. It was truly a masterpiece. Whenever I recognized the kids being kind, gentle, loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, etc., I’d put the corresponding fruit into their basket. Unbeknownst to them, at the end of the day, I always tried to make things “even.”
One day, Megan came to me sobbing. “Why didn’t I get a kindness fruit, but Ryan did? I was kind! I really was! You just didn’t see me!” Her tender little heart was crushed. And it only took a second to realize that she probably had been extraordinarily kind, because she usually was. How had I overlooked adding a kindness fruit to her basket? It was at that moment that I saw the shortcomings of the Fruit of the Spirit tree.
Another time, I made a delicious recipe of chicken and wild rice soup. After discovering a little shop in a local gas station that sold recently outdated food, I had stocked up on special things like wild rice pilaf at a fraction of the usual price. Using the rice to create this savory stew, I set a steaming bowl in front of each child for lunch, satisfied with my accomplishment. Nathan took one look at it and said, “I’m not eating that. It looks like worms!” He usually wasn’t picky, and I had worked long and hard making this meal, so I wasn’t amused.
With a bit more emotion than I should have shown, I emphatically proclaimed, “Yes, you are going to eat it! This is what I made for lunch and it’s delicious!” I proceeded to take a big bite, demonstrating that it was worthy of being consumed. By this time, his siblings had joined in, examining their own bowls and after swallowing my first bite, I too took a closer look. Shocked and horrified, I saw that mixed in with the wild rice were little worms that blended right in— a lot of them.
That became a fun memory through the years, as cooking for my family was always my favorite way to show my love. It was also a while before any of us could eat wild rice again.
After Nathan was gone, I assumed the weight of the ultimate “mom fail.”
How could I not recognize the depth of his suffering? Was it my fault? What should I have done differently? Why couldn’t I save him?
No matter how you lost your child, I’m sure you’ve had a litany of questions too.
But now I realize that although there were many “mom fails” I was responsible for, losing Nathan wasn’t one of them. If you’ve lost a child, that shouldn’t be on your list either.
Illnesses and accidents happen, regardless of our diligence—regardless of our love. The “Mama Bear” in us strives to take care of things, always ensuring that our children are protected and thriving. And as hard as it may be for us to admit, there are things in this earthly life that are out of our control— many things.
Through the sorrows that we face while living down here on Earth, there is a truth that we can always cling to. The One who created us and loves us more than we can ever fully fathom, knows it all. While loss and grief surprise us, nothing surprises Him.
Could God have intervened and kept Nathan here? Yes, He could have and I don’t know why He didn’t. But what I do know, what I have learned beyond a shadow of a doubt, is that I can trust Him.
Isaiah 40:28-31
Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.
