We Are Not Alone
July 5, 2025 — Carol Brown
I don’t know about you, but the complete and utter loneliness that set in after the sudden loss of our daughter was like being thrown into a deep dark hole in which I was the only occupant. Even my husband and my son were processing their grief differently from me. And worse, not even God Himself seemed present in my darkest hour. A slow burning resentment began to grow within me for those whose families who were intact, with their children alive, well, and prospering. Some people tried to relate to my pain, a co-worker who had lost a sibling, or a friend who was grieving the loss of a parent. My resentment only grew stronger. Then there were those who had no idea what to say, so they said nothing. The silence was worse than ill-spoken and ill-timed words, and the feeling of something dying within me was overwhelming.
I had always been so close to my siblings, but my sorrow and anger had created a chasm between us that I feared might separate us forever. I was unable to recognize the great loss in them because of the extent of my own pain, which blinded me to that of all others around me. I was self-isolating emotionally and reluctant to express my true feelings for fear of being judged or misunderstood. And who was there to understand me anyway? In an odd way, the yawning pit of my loneliness and despair became comfortable, a normal dwelling place of sorts. I was prepared to live there for the rest of my life, only dealing with life and spirituality on a surface level. What more could God expect of me when He had taken so much from me?
But God, as He often does, had other plans in mind. He began to send earth angels to rescue me from my self- imposed prison; those who threw a rope into the pit and gave me strength to make the climb up and out. A close friend of Jackie’s who stayed when others left; a family who loved her well and took us into their hearts and home; the family member who gifted us with a sweet puppy because “he had to do something”; a friend of many years who invited me to walk her neighborhood together several times a week; another friend who’s well-timed phone call got me out of bed when I wanted to stay there; a caring physician who refused to renew my prescription for sleeping pills and sent me to someone who offered real, lasting help for my depression and anxiety … just a few of the intimate provisions made by a loving, omniscient Father who never gave up on me, and had walked ahead of me, paving the way He knew that I would travel. Gradually, a spark of hope ignited in my heart, lighting the darkness and defrosting the hard shell of resentment and cynicism I had allowed to build up in my spirit.
Then when the time was right, my Jehovah-Jireh, my Provider, allowed me to discover faith-based ministries specifically for bereaved parents. Our Hearts Are Home, While We’re Waiting, and Heartache and Hope among others, offer lifelines of hope, encouragement, and comfort for those who have been torn apart ( the meaning of bereavement) by child loss. These ministries did not exist at the time Jackie left for Heaven, which makes me extraordinarily grateful and appreciative for the services they provide. From private Facebook pages, to retreats and conferences, to blogs and podcasts, to online and in person groups, to book studies — the resources are plentiful and all are presented and facilitated by parents who know what it is to lose a precious child. I am constantly amazed by the number of people who are being added to these ministries every day.
My dear fellow travelers, we are not alone!! Multitudes have walked before us, and multitudes will come behind us. Perhaps these ministry volunteers are God’s provision, His earth angels, to bring some light to your darkness and direction to your journey. Although it might not be desirable for our entire circle to be composed of grieving parents, the relief and release that comes from hearing from and being heard by those who share our experiences is invaluable. I pray that you will take advantage of the available resources designed to help you heal. Who knows? One day you might be the one offering a hand to pull another wounded soul from the pit.
