It’s Okay to Cry

March 2, 2025 — Emily Matuza

Washington Irving wrote, “There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition and unspeakable love.”  

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“Jesus wept.” It’s the shortest verse in the Bible and yet it’s so important. Jesus experienced the emotional toll that grief has on a person, just like us. Jesus wept when he learned that his friend Lazarus had passed. The love he had for Lazarus was shown through His tears.  

So many of us have an instinctive response to apologize if tears make their way to the surface during a conversation. It’s as if we already feel responsible for making the other individual uncomfortable, and instinctively, we apologize. We shouldn’t need to apologize for our emotions, and yet in our society, it’s not always acceptable for us to openly cry.  

There is a Jewish tradition that truly values the mourning process of grief. The family in mourning is encouraged to express their grief and sorrow at the funeral. Following the funeral, the family goes back to their home where the tradition of Shiva commences in the home for seven days. A Shiva candle is lit in the home and mirrors are covered. Why cover the mirrors? This is for the mourners to understand that appearance does not matter now, as they mourn. The loved ones and family members sit silently with the person in mourning and offer any and all support needed in the home for the next week.   

This tradition goes back to the time of Job in the Bible. Job 2:12-13 states, “And when they saw him from a distance, they did not recognize him.  And they raised their voices and wept, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads toward heaven. And they sat with him on the ground for seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great.”

If you know someone who is walking in the valley of grief, come alongside them.You do not need to stay in their home for seven days with the mirrors covered, if that is not their tradition, but you could come alongside them, just offering a listening ear. If you know someone who has lost a child recently, sitting with them and actively listening is truly the most supportive gift. Be the brave friend who can stay amid the tears. You won’t be sorry, as you will witness what your compassion can do for someone else.  

If you are grieving a loss, please know that those tears are part of the process and can provide healing for your hurting heart. Give yourself permission to cry. It is okay. Incidentally, if you need some helpful tips on crying, the shower and the car are both options that allow you to work through the tears without disruptions.  

One day there won’t be a need for tears and what a glorious day that will be. 

“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21: 4