Seeing in Color
March 15, 2025 — Emily Matuza
Psalm 90:12 — “So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.”
The “before” and the “after” …
For those of you who have experienced a significant life event, your timeline of life tends to have a split with a before and an after. This event changed you. Your perspective and frame of reference has been altered.
For me personally, I can tell you my view changed. There were things that this culture gives very high importance to, but truly there isn't much depth in them. Conversations about trivial things just didn't hold my attention any more. My faith, my family and connecting with others on a similar road took on much greater significance. You see, I couldn't just will myself out of this, or for that matter, buy myself out of this. This was a journey of deep reflection, and processing my pain with God.
Many books encourage you to find gratitude in your pain. I'll be honest. Gratitude isn't exactly flowing when you experience the loss of a child. My gratitude seemed to be focused on the "before.” Grateful for the memories. Grateful for the time I did have with Joey and with a family that felt complete without a missing piece. There were no "at leasts" that brought comfort to this broken mom's heart. The ache in the emotion was strong. But as I made my way slowly through this valley, I started to "see" it through the tears.
It was beautiful in a way I simply hadn't experienced before. The beauty was divine, beyond this broken world. My "before" had carved out moments for this in our family road trips or scheduled meals, but this was different. This was spontaneous. It had depth. That gorgeous sunrise was so much more beautiful now. Over and over again, I would pause to appreciate the beauty in a moment or in nature, and it was a gift, a gift from God. He was comforting me in the small things. I may not have had time for these things previously as a busy mom, but I could see them now. I have heard it said that we saw in black and white before, but we now see in color, vivid color.
You see sometimes "busy" and "complacency" often join forces in our lives. This, in turn leads to us taking moments for granted. My own story gave me the mirror I needed for the “after.” Pauses happen now to see the birds, smell the roses, and thank God for the beauty beyond the brokenness.
Is busy a barrier for you?
Every moment truly MATTERS.
Romans 12:5 - “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”
