Learning How to Comfort a Grieving Friend

January 10, 2023 — Laura House

Before losing Nathan, we really had no idea how to comfort someone in their grief. Even Gary’s seminary training didn’t provide instruction for how to minister in this way. I don’t remember what we said in those awkward moments at a funeral home or memorial service, but I hope our words were not insensitive. We were genuinely filled with compassion but had no clue what to do or say to truly be helpful to the bereaved person.

So many well-meaning people make comments to those who are grieving and their words are unhelpful and often actually hurt. They don’t mean any harm. They are just unaware of what helps like we were before our loss.

At every event that we hold with Our Hearts Are Home, parents share their sadness that their local church body doesn’t know how to communicate with them since their loss. Over and over we hear people say that they wish they could help their church understand what they are going through and what would be helpful.

In response to this, we’ve created a downloadable resource that offers a list of “what to say and not to say,” and shares ideas of how the Church can surround grieving parents in helpful ways. It’s a work in progress and will be updated periodically with additional insights and ideas, as other bereaved parents share their experiences with us. 

If you are a grieving parent, we hope that this will be useful for you to share with your pastor and others in your church. Hopefully, they will learn more about how to bring comfort and encouragement to you and others who have lost a loved one. 

If you have not lost someone dear to you, we hope this booklet will help you know how to be a better friend to those around you who are grieving.