The Ache Remains
November 19, 2024 — Laura House
If you have lost a child or someone else dear to you, you’ve likely experienced the cultural belief that at some point, not too far from your loss, you should be moving on with your life in much the same manner as before. This belief is manifested in the way others, who have not experienced loss, interact or don’t interact with you. Sometimes it’s a look of dread, thinking you might bring up your loved one ‘again’, and other times it’s them waving and shouting hello, then quickly heading the other way to avoid conversation that might include your grief.
But those people simply don’t know yet. They haven’t experienced the reality of loss and the fact that the ache remains.
If you’ve been with me in any sort of gathering for bereaved parents, I probably quoted one of my favorites statistics from a book by H. Norman Wright. In Grieving the Loss of a Loved One, Wright devotes a chapter to child loss and explains that it takes eight to ten years to "stabilize" after the loss of a child. Of course his timeline is just his observation, but the point is that the journey of grief takes a very long time.
What I have learned, now 8½ years down this road, is that while I no longer mourn and only rarely have significant times of grief, the ache remains. I miss Nathan more each day, and isn’t that logical? It’s been longer since I’ve heard his laugh and felt his hug. But I’ve also learned something else. While I will always have times of grief until we are reunited, the Lord is carrying me, comforting me, and molding me into who I should be. He is filling me with joy and purpose, even on earth, while I wait for Heaven.
If you are weighted down today by the burden of grief, please remember that there is a “time to mourn” and you are walking that road right now. You will not always feel the degree of pain that you presently feel. I am grateful for those who spoke this truth to me early on. They were right.
The Lord is with you and He will strengthen you. As you become stronger through Him, you will once again experience joy, purpose, and fulfillment, even while you still live here on earth.
Don’t lose heart. Although the ache remains, you are being held by the One who loves you most.
Trust Him.
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Here are a few of my favorite verses to remember during times of grief…
2 Corinthians 4: 16-18 — “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
Matthew 11:28 -30 — “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
Psalm 73:26 — “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
2 Corinthians 12:9a — “ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
John 16:33 — “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
Isaiah 43: 1a -3a — “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; …”
Psalm 119:76 — “May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant.”
Isaiah 41:10 — “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Here are a few helpful resources:
Learning to Lament (video)
Biblical Lament: Walking the Road of Sorrow to the Throne of the King (video)
