Learning the Language of Lament
November 7, 2025 — Lisa Thacker
I used to read portions of the book of Psalms with astonishment, in awe that David had the audacity to say such bold and brazen statements to a Holy, Sovereign God. David, what gives you the right to say these things? We don’t have the right to question God’s actions. Besides, you need to make up your mind! One minute you’re yelling at God. The next you’re telling Him you trust and love Him. What in the world?!?
And then I lost my 15-year-old son. Suddenly, the words David wrote didn’t feel so brazen, bold, and erratic anymore. In fact, they precisely captured the despair that flooded my soul. Heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in deep anguish. How long, Lord, how long? I am worn out from my groaning. Why, Lord, do you stand far off?
Thankfully, I discovered that God purposefully placed David’s words in the Bible as a model for us to use when lamenting intense hurt and sorrow to our Heavenly Father.
This blog post is primarily informed by Mark Vroegop’s book, Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy: Discovering the Grace of Lament. It will explore what a lament prayer is and why it’s an essential ingredient in the Christian life.
If you’re breathing, lament is for you. All humanity will experience loss, pain, or tragedy at some juncture along the way. Jesus told us in John 16:33 that suffering is inevitable.“In this world you will have trouble.” Knowing we are invited and encouraged to take our negative emotions to the Wonderful Counselor through lament gives us reason to increase our knowledge of this practice and its far-reaching impacts on our faith walk.
What is lament?
Merrian-Webster’s Dictionary defines lament as “to regret strongly; a crying out in grief; wailing; to mourn.” While these terms are true of lament, they fall short of fully depicting the breadth and depth of its power.
Here are a few practical descriptions used by Vroegop in his book that help us drill down deeper into understanding lament.
Lament……
is a prayer in pain that leads to trust
gives voice to our pain
gives a person permission to wrestle with sorrow instead of rushing to end it
stands in the gap between pain and promise
is the pathway from heartbreak to hope
helps us turn from honest pain-filled questions to confident trust in God
reminds our hearts of what we believe to be true about God
Lament is the language God encourages us to use when uttering The Lord’s Prayer feels forced, fraudulent, or downright futile. When life is unrecognizable, this “minor key song” allows us to continue talking to God even though our feet are surrounded with smoldering ruins.
Why should we lament?
WE LIVE IN A BROKEN WORLD
In the Garden of Eden, sin fractured the perfect world God intended for us, opening the floodgates for evil to rush in. Now we’re forced to live in an imperfect world while trying to trust a God we once thought of as good and loving who now feels cruel and unjust. This creates a tension between how we assume a loving God would act and the hardships this same God permitted into life.
What do we do with that tension? Stuff it down and masquerade around as pious, faithful followers of Christ? Plaster a smile on our “joyful Christian” faces while superficially muttering, “Everything’s fine”? After all, Christians are supposed to have it altogether, right? If we have Jesus, what reason could we possibly have to be in distress?
But, thankfully, Jesus validates the cold, hard truth about the painful, difficult world we live in. In fact, He’s even known as “a man of sorrows” himself (Isaiah 53:3).
GIVING GOD THE SILENT TREATMENT CAN BE A TEMPTATION
Ignoring our pain through gritted teeth and clenched hands only leads to anger and bitterness at the Sovereign who didn’t intervene the way we desperately wanted Him to. Humans tend to avoid people we’re angry with. Taking our gut-wrenching questions, frustrations, and complaints straight to Our Redeemer prevents us from giving Him the silent treatment.
WE HAVE PERMISSION
God not only invites us, but also encourages us to honestly bring our pain to Him. In fact, approximately one-third of the Psalms are laments, which confirms He purposely provided examples for us to follow. Lament appears in many other books such as Lamentations, Job, Jeremiah, Nehemiah, John, and even Matthew when Jesus cried out from the cross. The brokenness of this world grieves our Lord as much as it does us. What a more qualified person to process our pain with than the Sacrificial Lamb who suffered the greatest injustice the earth ever witnessed. This truth was summed up beautifully by Pastor Mark Roser recently when he said, “A Savior with a broken heart can [certainly ] heal our broken heart.”
GOD CAN HANDLE OUR HONESTY
Some Christians claim those who question and complain to God have little faith. Quite the opposite is actually true! Being willing to take your messy struggles to God requires a strong trust in knowing He is capable of doing something with them. Humans don’t seek help with their problems from people they don’t trust or hold confidence in.
OUR FAITH WILL GROW
A strained or even dissolved relationship seems like the natural consequence of a believer being brave enough to honestly complain to and question God. Not true when we go humbly to the Throne of Grace! Our “expressions of frustration push us further toward God, not away” (Vroegop, p. 51). Each time we turn to God in lament, He demonstrates His character, layer by layer. And as we learn more about WHO He is, our faith actually strengthens, deepens, and enlarges.
OUR EYES WILL BE FIXED ON JESUS
Lament enables us to make GOD bigger than what happened TO us. Using this prayer language provides no guarantee that our problems will be fixed. But what it does do is shift our gaze off of our circumstances and fixes our eyes on the One who carries us through our circumstances.
ENCOURAGES US TO PRAY FROM A PROMISE, NOT FOR A PROMISE
Trauma and tragedy often leave us feeling hopeless. Lamenting our negative emotions gives God the opportunity to remind us of who He is and the Promises He never breaks. “Hope springs from truth rehearsed.”
In a nutshell, why is lament so valuable?
Lament helps us turn loose of the whys of our suffering as we grab hold of and trust in His Ways throughout our suffering.
Who can we lament for?
ourselves
our family
our church
hurting members of our community
our nation
evil situations in the world
What’s Next?
It’s important to know the WHAT and the WHY related to lament, but the “teacher” in me knows we must not leave out the HOW. Be sure not to miss the follow-up post that will take a deeper dive into what lamenting looks like and sounds like. I’ll give an overview of lament’s four components and provide examples of possible verbiage to be used in each one. You’ll feel equipped to compose your own “minor key songs” and will be on your way to honestly expressing yourself to your merciful Savior.
