The Power of Words

November 12, 2022 — Laura House

I have worked for a language arts curriculum company for many years, and I’ll admit, I love words. As part of our system of teaching students to write, we teach “dress-ups, sentence openers, and decorations.” When students learn how to use these stylistic techniques, their words become powerful and they get excited. 

Let me give you an example. What image do you see when I say, “The deer ran through the forest”? All of us see some sort of deer running through some kind of forest. Since I grew up in Indiana, I see a huge buck with sharp antlers, that is skittish around humans and racing at lightning speed back into the woods to get to safety.

But what if I added some of those stylistic techniques that I mentioned? I could say, “Frantically, the bleeding deer bolted through the dense, dark forest, pursued by the hungry hunter.” Now, what image do you see? Or how about changing the stylistic techniques to say, “Gracefully, the white-tailed deer pranced through the enchanted forest.” A totally different image, right? 

Words have power. Words have the power to influence, bring comfort, or cause hurt and pain.

Recently I’ve read the Book of James several times in a row and discovered truths that I hadn’t seen before. One of the amazing images in the book is James’ description of the tongue in regard to speaking words, and the subsequent devastation those words can cause. A couple of things occurred to me.

First, the most obvious is the damage that the tongue can cause when we speak unkind words to someone else. Words can be forgiven, but aren’t usually forgotten. They are like flaming arrows that pierce the skin, and when extinguished, still leave a deep scar. 

James likens the power of our words to a great forest that is set on fire by a small spark. “The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.” (3:5-6)

James continues by saying, “All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.” (3:7-10)

In our dealings with each other, our words can bring joy, life, comfort, and encouragement, or they can bring the opposite. How many times do we say things that hurt or discourage one another? How much better it would be for us to remember the words of James and stop ourselves before speaking. Once those words leave our lips, their damage is done.

Taming the tongue is something that every one of us must work hard to do. It seems that the struggle is a part of our human condition. But in the context of grief, there are additional considerations. When someone is grieving, the words spoken to them, if not chosen carefully, can hurt even more. Grieving parents tell of friends and family who meant well and sincerely cared, but spoke words that hurt deeply. 

“At least you have other children.” Anything that begins with “at least” is not helpful. Think about it. Which of your children would you be okay with losing?

 “He’s in a better place.” That isn’t the point. 

 “I know how you feel.” You really don’t. The reality of grief is that none of us fully knows how someone else feels.

The list goes on and on.

“It’s going to be okay.” “Time will heal.” “Just trust Jesus.”  “You are so strong. I could never do that.”  “All things work together for good and you’ll see that sometime.” “He’s happy in heaven.” “He wouldn’t want you to live feeling sad all the time.” “God knows what He is doing.”

These words aren’t helpful to bereaved parents who are grieving the deepest loss they will ever face. No advice is helpful.

What words are useful? Just tell them how sorry you are and that you don’t know what to say, but you want to be there for them and you love them. Simply “weep with those who weep.” 

While reading through the Book of James again, it occurred to me that my words not only have the power to hurt other people, but they can also hurt me. Especially in times of grief, it’s easy to speak words of blame and heap burning coals of guilt, shame, and regret on myself. Have you done that as well? We need to guard ourselves against speaking lies to ourselves by crying out to Jesus when we are grieving. Are you in the middle of grief? Ask Jesus to comfort you and to help you trust Him. His words are always comforting, life-giving, and true. 

As fellow believers, let’s challenge each other to examine our words before they roll off of our tongues.

Here are a few amazing verses to contemplate: 

Proverbs 16:24 “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.”

James 1:26 “If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless.”

Proverbs 12:18 “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”