Grieving Well
August 22, 2026 — Carol Brown
“Remember that the theology of suffering in Scripture is never, ever an end in itself, but is designed as a means to the end of real comfort, real direction, real protection, real conviction, and real hope.” -Paul David Tripp, Suffering
Grieving the death of a child is exhausting. There is little room in our pain-filled broken hearts for any other thoughts than those of our absent children. We may not be interested in growing spiritually. In fact we might even blame God for the cruel circumstances that took our beloved children, and cynically reject all we had previously been taught about His goodness. We could find ourselves faced with a growing anger that if left unchecked, hardens into bitterness and unbelief, cutting ourselves off from the greatest source of comfort and healing. If we want to avoid that outcome, if we want to move forward with hope and purpose, we must learn the lessons of what it means to grieve well, to hold a firm grip on the One who is holding us, even though the pain of loss is unrelenting.
First of all, the understanding that God is grieving with us and is involved in our suffering can help us to trust Him by drawing us closer to His heart. When we give mental assent to His intimate relationship with us, we can call on Him for help in our deepest sorrow, believing He hears our cry and will come to our rescue.
Secondly, God can do His best work in us when we allow Him to use our grief to effect real and lasting change in our lives. As we become painfully aware of the brevity and uncertainty of this temporal life, our priorities can change to align with God’s will and what He desires to accomplish through us in the time we have left. We keep short accounts with others, forgiving them freely and practicing patience when they inevitably disappoint us, remembering the extent to which God has been patient with us. We keep short accounts with God, asking for forgiveness when we ourselves fail, making sure we keep the lines of communication open and readily available.
Grief has a way of emptying us of our self reliance and sense of control. We find out as David did that God is our rock, our constant abiding friend, our ever-present help in time of trouble, and our strong fortress of protection. He is the only essential, the only unchangeable presence on whom we can depend to always be with us and in us. We don’t have to carry our sorrows alone.
We can also learn to live a life of gratitude and praise, even in the midst of exceedingly painful circumstances. We can all place at least one item on our thankfulness list every day, even if it’s just the strength to get out of bed in the morning. Developing an “attitude of gratitude” as a spiritual discipline focuses our minds on God’s goodness and sufficiency, developing a trust that we can draw upon in the difficult days we face.
Finally, grieving well means that we use our platform of experience to tell our story, and the indispensable part God has played in it. We learn to live with renewed purpose, renewed hope, and renewed confidence that absolutely nothing this world can throw at us will be able to separate us from God’s love. We will grieve our children for the rest of our lives until reunion day. For now, we can make it our desire to hear the words from the lips of our Savior, “well done, good and faithful servant” when we join them in heaven.
“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. — Romans 5:1-5
