The only time I remember Nathan flying as a child was at the local airport when a former air force pilot took our kids up in his small plane as part of a field trip. But by the time he was a teenager, Nathan was determined to learn to fly.

I feel that since losing Nathan, I’ve been learning to drive all over again. Sometimes I am filled with confidence that I’ve mastered this new way of living as a bereaved parent, finding purpose and joy in my journey. But other times I feel that I’ve missed my turn and am backing up in the middle of the highway to try to figure out where I’m supposed to go.

I’ve always been thankful for the wisdom my husband sheds on situations in our lives. But this time, I didn’t ask or listen. I guess my desire to bring joy to my children skewed my perception of things.

During the thirty-seven years of our marriage, the beach has always been our “happy place” — and we passed that love on to our three children.

Inevitably, you’ve heard these words from your children while traveling, “Are we almost there yet?” When they are young, that question might be asked every few minutes!

We loved camping. I look back now and am surprised that I not only survived but actually thrived in those experiences. Back then, it seemed like nothing to pack up the kids and van, head to a state park and tent-camp in the rain, wind, and one time, unexpected snow.

Many children seem to have a natural aptitude for sports, and Nathan was no exception. If you are the mom of a child involved in sports, you’ve likely attended not only hundreds of games through the years, but also, dozens of award ceremonies, parent meetings, and end-of-the-year banquets.

When Nathan was ten, Gary and I won a trip to Cancun. Rarely traveling without the kids, this was a new adventure for us, and for them. As we pulled out of our driveway to head to my parent’s house, where the kids would be pampered by grandparents for the duration of our trip, Nathan spotted his beloved cat, Todd, clearly limping.

For his whole life, he had dreamed of having a BB gun. I say his “whole life” but he was still a little guy. The requests for this item actually began around age five, after seeing his older cousins, and they resurfaced every Christmas.

Christmas was a special time for us. When the kids were young, the day was usually spent with extended family, where the cousins performed an annual Christmas pageant in Grandma and Grandpa’s living room.

I lost my mom fifteen months before Nathan. Unbeknownst to anyone, she had pancreatic cancer that had silently been ravaging her body. From her diagnosis to entering Heaven took less than two weeks.

The dreaded question seemed to be everywhere after Nathan died. “How many children do you have?” Nearly every new person I met seemed loaded and ready to ask. It was as if I had a sign on my back.

The last few weeks have been difficult. Grief is funny like that. Like a lion stealthily hunting its prey, you never know when it’s going to sneak up and grip you again. Nathan loved Thanksgiving. It was his favorite holiday. He loved to eat.

Welcome to our blog and thank you for taking the time to let us share our thoughts with you. We hope in the posts to come that you’ll find encouragement, inspiration, and challenging content that is useful to you. However, for our inaugural post, we simply want to introduce ourselves and Our Hearts Are Home.